There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize