yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
