He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
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She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Drunk is a universal language darling
He has the fingertips of a God
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