better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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