I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
