He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
