sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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