I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
