I intend to get homeless drunk
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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