So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
