Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
