Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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