Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
