i don't plan on having that self control this summer
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm passing your future prison.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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