Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
