i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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