just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
