I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
