I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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