My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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