Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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