hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
