I wish my penis had an off switch
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
