There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
