I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
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I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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