He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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