10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
