found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
