it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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