so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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