i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
