I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
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he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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