I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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