She's JV to your varsity
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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