If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
