Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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