You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
