just come out here and I will go home with you...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
