Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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