Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
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Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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