I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
