I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
