I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
