I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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