She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize