yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
