I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
