he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
