Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
