oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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