Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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