No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
