Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
