we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
