I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
