No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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