I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
