Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
