Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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