You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
