ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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