u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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